i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
