He had one of those small greek statue penises
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
