Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
