I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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