Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I want is dick and wine.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
