dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i now understand why vodka
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
