Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
