Pants 0. Shit 1.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
