She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
