i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
