I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
