half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
