$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
