i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
