I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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