Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize