I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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