note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
