so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
