Just fell off a train. Bad.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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