Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
