when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
