I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
