yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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