paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
