I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
