2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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