when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
