wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
