I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
