i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
