i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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