no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
