Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
