well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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