Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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