I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
