billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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