I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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