At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
