I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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