Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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