R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
