is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
