yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
