You're so nebulous sometimes
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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