I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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