you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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