I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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