i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
