Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
